Fear , fun and cute pet

I have General anxiety disorder , and social anxiety. ( I was going to make a post about May and mental health month and awareness and all that but I sorta failed). I'm trying to be more social or at least do things involving other people, medication and therapy are helping, but up until last year I had avoided getting help ( too anxious to contact a therapist  :P) and pretty much stopped going out of my home lest I have a panic attack.( Every six months to see my neurologist and if the kids had something very important they wanted or needed me there for.) Actually leaving the house resulted in a panic attack, so I didn't.  Never leaving the house interferes with having a normal fulfilling life. Then we moved. Moving was very stressful. I went into therapy, things are getting better. I get out a few times a week, and even plan on going on a short holiday to a convention in July. (when we signed up, we'd joke how I'd be cured by July, I'm not but I'm better) I highly recommend getting help if you are going through these sort of things or supporting someone you know as they get help.

I tend to worry a lot about how people will perceive me. ( definition of social anxiety) I am (was?) the bad stereotype of a gamer who doesn't go out. I kept in contact with family and friends via phone or the internet or they come visit me. I often think that admitting I have problems in my life sort of makes people who play MMOs look bad.

WoW and other games have been sort of a substitute "outside" they have places to go and people ( even if most times I'm too shy to interact). I don't think this is a bad thing, a lot of people might, but I don't. Before WoW I had books and my art, my family, so having a game just broadened what I had.  PuGs are sorta pseudo - social, since you don't actually have to say anything , although the fear of  what people will think is still there, I did get quite a bit of confidence from doing them. One thing WoW did do, is make me long for going out in the real world. I would be in the barrens and remember holidays with my family in the southwest and how I loved being out there and how back then I was never scared. Swamp of sorrows made me want to go out and muck about in wetlands and I missed the smells.  One day standing in a lake in game fishing I intensely wanted to go stand in a lake and feel the sand and the water  and you know what I did, I logged out  and we went to a lake and I just stood there in the water, squishing the sand with my toes and chasing minnows ( I have no fishing gear or license anymore so no fishing, yet). I hadn't done that in a long time. It felt good. I think games are a good safe place to explore and  interact, a little less scary then the big outside .


Last night I went to  Wow Insider's scavenger hunt, it was fun, I enjoyed watching the people, and gathering the items and just generally being there I won a cute pet. ( a mini felreaver , they're cute right *looks around " why is the ground shaking?"*) Even if I did have a panic attack while trying to show my items to Roblinator and have to take a moment to step back and  take a bit to breathe and keep myself under enough control not to log out and delete my character out of embarrassment for getting  scared and freezing, also it's hard to type while shaking. I stayed anyhow  and felt pretty successful after calming down .  I didn't do much that was social but I did trade a very drunk shirtless blood elf some more alcohol ( although that may have been sorta bad as he was already quite drunk , but warlocks can be indifferent to  other people possibly drowning in a fountain of drunkenness , right?).  I even plan to keep that character and level her .So a step forward in  socializing. maybe some day I'll find a guild of people I didn't already know before WoW where I feel comfortable and things will be even better.

Scribbles

                                                             My bags are full,
                                                   Why do I pick up all this stuff?
                                             I could just toss it, no one would mind,
                                 It's not like the scourge and cultists keep this place clean,
                                                              It's still on fire!

Other nonsense, and rambleings

I sometimes feel strange about the blog since the title has PuG as part of it. I don't PuG much anymore, so I often feel I  have nothing to say.  Ok, I occasionally PuG , for example I was Pugging on my priest  for a few hours the other night and  after logging off her, I went on my warlock  and hung out with my voidwalker on some coral in Vashj 'ir and discussed why the destruction of all life and possibly some torment for the citizens of Azeroth might be a good idea.

So I'm not actually doing a lot. I play a little every other day , leveling my 80's hopefully one will get to 85, probably either the warlock or my tauren pally, since my priest is stuck at 80 till I get the blue drake.

I could actually get my shaman there , 5 bars left, but I'd still feel out of place on the server she's on.  My son an I are trying to get our bank guild to level 2, this may happen someday. I'm also working on getting my priest  up to 150 minipets ,  only 46 to go.

I probably will follow my older rules of not putting character names on my blog, cause even with a only five or so people stopping by a day I still get the odd creep. I mean yeah , sure it's nice when someone says " Hi, I find you amusing, why did you delete your bank alt?" (I didn't, she's a gnome now). But the  " I read you like Goldshire, wanna ERP , are you hot?" sorts are  umm creepy.

I'm really looking forward to the expansion though so I can play with my favourite, now healer,( he was a tank when I healed) who is ok with my average tanking, cross server, we will quest together again and STV trolls will never be safe.  We can only do instances now because he's on a RP PvP server and I will stay on my RP PvE server. Nothing turns me into a raging incoherent maniac then being attacked by some other player while I'm fishing or enjoying the view, so I've sworn off PvP servers forever and it keeps me calm.

In a way I feel sorta lost in the game  at the moment, no real attachments, I still enjoy playing, I've always been able to amuse myself, but now with almost everyone I had known gone it seems a bit  empty. Of course one always meets new people when an expansion comes out and that will happen soon .

Why do wild raptors wear feathers and beads?

One could assume they are intelligent and their little hands can bead strips of leather and tie feathers on each other , but there is another reason.

Trolls

Particularly troll rogues.

Ever notice that all raptors seem to live in close proximity to one troll tribe or another, and most raptors have feathers on them.

When troll rogues come of age they have to go tie some feathers and beads on wild raptors to prove how sneaky they are. A lot of then get eaten, that's why you don't see so many.

A troll rogue  told me this,  and you know rogues are very honest.

You can trust them.

Especially the troll ones.

scribbles

       I haven't had much to say or rather I haven't had patience to type. so my warlock's felsteed.