Sunday, December 4, 2011

the weight of memory, and the void

I have mentioned I have a lot of characters a few who have been around some time. I often wonder why I create so many alts, each one is, even if it is a class I have played before a new person, they have their own background and motivations. I'm a role player, I like creating story, being a part of others storys and thinking through the storys. my characters collect the experience of their storys and interactions with others, their history.

This history interferes with playing them, I can see their minds why they would do things and also why they wouldn't.Some charcters are tired now. My main as much as I have one is level eighty paladin (although through most of Wrath she was a blood elf now she's a human). She did a lot through Wrath, and although I never raided she felt like she was supporting the effort to defeat the Lich king (she collected ore for a friends crafted stuffs and also was a support emotionally in their story), she had her reasons, her past. After a time, though, experiences collected around her like layers of clothing, every happy thing, the dull days, and those sad times, until she just felt too heavy, weighed down in a cloak of history.

Its not just the role play though, it's also the playing, the friends you make, the things you do with them. the guilds that were so much fun, that were long ago disbanded, the crazy escapades, the stupid fights, that weird death knight with the with the tonail painting thing (I just attract odd sorts). the occasional stalkers.... they are there. So each charcter has a build up of those. I couldn't play my priest for the longest time after a friend quit.... actually I haven't played her for real since then, just to buy heirlooms and to gather stuff for alts.

So I make alts, each one is great until they become too much of someone , although I have four, oddly enough toss away characters I play, one is a bank alt who's herbalism got out of control, another my daughters abandoned blood elf paladin and another was me going to try a friends new server, she quit as we reached level ten, the last yep another bank alt, that are just me (in a way) no real back storys one is even on a PvE server. I keep to myself, worried sometimes I might build up whatever that history is, still having fun.


Yesterday I logged on Isabella. I looked through her bank and bags (I needed to farm some ore, and stuff for the lad). I fondled all her old robes the old other gear the suff from when she was a blood elf and pondered her past. I had originally thought a faction change would free her, but it didn't. I thought to myself I need room for the stuff I will farm today . I couldn't bring myself to vendor or destroy everything, just a lot of it (I'm like that at least in games.) So I remembered void storage I gathered all that stuff and dragged it to the Ethereals place by the canal, it cost a pretty penny but I tossed all those memorys into the void *. It felt nice, like a step forward or away. I took her azure drake and brown armoured bear off her action bar and chose new mounts, and pretty soon all her gear will be replaced, changed her spec cut and coloured her hair and went off to mine.(that was why I logged on her after all).

This time she feels different, she is someone new, just a woman with not much past, no storys or friends (not quite, I still have one friend) and a chance to make new ones. Maybe it was just the stuff weighing me down, but for now it feels nice, I think I can get to eighty five,(I sill have those odd moments of fear about my ability to not be a failure at eighty five, but eh.) sure I'll still play alts, I love the lower levels and such, but for now I have a few new places to explore and I hear there is a cute bear cub in Hyjal, that might like traveling with me.

So maybe it's a good idea sometimes to clear out your bank, memorys are good but don't let the past weigh you down.

* except my squishy basilisk eyes, they seemed to not want to store them and gave me a funny look, I think, it's hard to tell with Ethreals.

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